Oprah Winfrey got serious about the profound last minutes she enjoyed with her late mother, Vernita Lee, who passed on at age 83 at her home in Milwaukee on Thanksgiving Day.
The news big shot plunked down with Individuals for an open meeting about the days she enjoyed with her mom before her demise, conceding that she at first battled to find the right words while bidding farewell.
&#8216;In hospice care they have a little book about the little conversations,&#8217; she said. &#8216;I thought, &#8220;Isn’t this strange? I am Oprah Winfrey, and I’m reading a hospice care book on what to say at the end.&#8221;&#8216;
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Oprah knew her mother was dying, and before her death, her half-sister Patricia, whom Vernita had given up for adoption in 1963, called to say that she thought it was the end.
Although she was planning to go to launch Michelle Obama&#8217;s book, Becoming, in Chicago, she got on a plane and flew to Milwaukee to surprise her mother.
&#8216;She&#8217;s sitting in this little room—she loves sitting in this room where it&#8217;s 80 degrees. She just watches TV all day,&#8217; she said.
The next day, Oprah did the launch in Chicago and flew back to Milwaukee to be with her mom.
&#8216;I sat with my mother. I said, &#8220;I don&#8217;t know if you&#8217;re going to make it. Do you think you&#8217;re going to make it?&#8221; She said, &#8220;I don&#8217;t think I am.&#8221; I had a conversation with her about what that felt like, what it felt like to be near the end,&#8217; she recalled. &#8216;I started telling all the people who cared about her that, &#8220;She knows it&#8217;s the end, so, if you want to say goodbye, you should come and say goodbye.&#8221;
&#8216;So that&#8217;s what happened. People would come in. She would tear up when she saw them,&#8217; Oprah said. &#8216;You could see the appreciation and love she felt for them. Then, I said to her, &#8220;What a wonderful thing to be able to say goodbye,&#8221; because she&#8217;s completely coherent and perfectly understanding everything.&#8217;
When she left to go speak in Lowell, Boston, she felt it was going to be the last time she said goodbye to her mother, although she didn&#8217;t tell her that.
Oprah ended up getting snowed in, in Lowell. She canceled the meetings she had in California and went back to see her mother.
&#8216;I went back to Milwaukee, because I felt like I had not closed it,&#8217; she explained. &#8216;I felt like I knew it was the end, but I wanted to make sure she knew it was the end, and that I said everything I wanted to say.
&#8216;I went back and I spent some more time and I sat in that hot room,&#8217; she said, laughing. &#8216;I watched The Bold and the Beautiful. I watched The Young and the Restless. I watched The Price is Right. I watched Steve Harvey on the Game Channel. I watched it in a loop. I sat in the room, and I sat in the room. I was about to lose my fricking mind in that room, but I sat. I just sat.&#8217;
Oprah said she was waiting to figure out what she wanted to say to her mother during their final moments together, but she &#8216;couldn&#8217;t find it that day.&#8217;
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The next morning, she woke up and prayed to find the right words to say to her mother before she passed.
&#8216;I just thought, &#8220;What is the truth for me? There isn&#8217;t going to be an answer in a book. what is the truth for me? What is it that I need to say?&#8221;&#8216;
Oprah said she walked in with an iPhone and a voice in her head told her to start playing some music. The gospel singer Mahalia Jackson was the first artist to come up on her Apple iTunes, and she thought: &#8216;Oh, that’s good. Mahalia Jackson, Precious Lord.&#8217;
She then got the idea to call up her dear friend, gospel singer Wintley Phipps, who sang &#8216;Precious Lord&#8217; to her mother from his kitchen table via FaceTime.
&#8216;I played another one of her favorite artists, Joshua Nelson, singing &#8216;How I Got Over.&#8217; I could see that it opened her a little bit, because my mother’s been a very closed down person. I could see that the music gave me an opening to say what I needed to say,&#8217; she recalled.
&#8216;What I said was, &#8220;Thank you. Thank you, because I know it’s been hard for you. It was hard for you as a young girl having a 𝚋𝚊𝚋𝚢, in Mississippi. No education. No training. No s𝓀𝒾𝓁𝓁s. Seventeen, you get pregnant with this 𝚋𝚊𝚋𝚢. Lots of people would have told you to give that 𝚋𝚊𝚋𝚢 away. Lots of people would’ve told you to abort that 𝚋𝚊𝚋𝚢. You didn’t do that. I know that was hard. I want you to know that no matter what, I know that you always did the best you knew how to do. And look how it turned out.&#8221;&#8216;
After Vernita brought forth Oprah in 1954, she passed on the newborn child to be raised by her own mom Hattie Mae Lee in Mississippi, while she worked away from home in Milwaukee as a housemaid.
Oprah was six when she originally went to live with her mom when her grandma turned out to be sick. She was subsequently assaulted and mishandled by family companions, who have not been freely distinguished, while living with her mom in Milwaukee.
The future news tycoon moved to Nashville to live with her dad, Vernon Winfrey, forever in 1968 after she became pregnant at age 14. She brought forth a child, who passed on when he was only seven days old. He kicked the bucket before he left the clinic. Oprah never at any point got to hold him.
Subsequent to saying thanks to her mom for doing all that could be expected, Oprah told her that she &#8216;ought to go in harmony,&#8217; making sense of that her mom had diabetes and ought to have had dialysis quite a while back yet didn&#8217;t have any desire to make it happen.
At that point, Oprah told her that she ought to do anything her body was advising her to do and no one planned to compel her to do dialysis.
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Family secrets: Oprah knew nothing of her secret half-sister Patricia until 2010, when the two first met. They joined Vernita on Oprah&#8217;s show in 2011 to reveal the news
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Family tree: Of Vernita&#8217;s four children, Oprah and Patricia are the only two who are still alive
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Happier times: Oprah told all the people her mother cared about that she was close to the end so they could visit her
&#8216;I said, &#8220;You made the best decision for you, but now your body’s shutting down. This is what’s happening. Your kidneys have shut down. Your organs are going to shut down. What you want it to be, what I want it to be, is as peaceful as possible.&#8221;
&#8216;In that moment, my sister was in the room. My mother’s had real problems since my sister came back from the adoption. My sister said, &#8220;Please forgive yourself, because I’ve forgiven you for giving me away.&#8221; It was just really sacred and beautiful,&#8217; Oprah said.
&#8216;I would say to anybody—and if you live long enough, everybody goes through it—say the things that you need to say while the people are still alive, so that you are not one of those people living with regret about what you would’ve, should’ve, could’ve said,&#8217; Oprah advised.
&#8216;I feel complete. I feel really, really moved by all the people who’ve reached out to me,&#8217; she added. I got a really lovely note, just yesterday, from Jimmy Fallon saying, &#8220;My mom’s up there, too, so if your mom has a party, tell her to call my mom.&#8221; I feel like it was as sacred and as blessed as a passing can be.&#8217;
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Vernita&#8217;s death was first revealed on Facebook by Oprah&#8217;s niece Alisha Hayes, who shared pictures of them together.
&#8216;My grandmother, Rest In Peace,&#8217; Alisha wrote. &#8216;I lost my beautiful grandma on Thanksgiving. She was the number one supporter of Pat&#8217;s [Alisha&#8217;s restaurant] and was the person who named our restaurant. We will miss her and will carry on her legacy of good eatin&#8217;! We love you Vernita Lee!&#8217;
An official obituary explained that Vernita died at her home in Milwaukee and a private funeral had already been held.
Oprah, who spent Thanksgiving hosting dinner at her home in Montecito, California, also paid tribute to Vernita on social media.
&#8216;Thank you all for your kind words and condolences regarding my mother Vernita Lee&#8217;s passing,&#8217; she captioned an image of her mother surrounded by loved ones.
&#8216;It gives our family great comfort knowing she lived a good life and is now at peace.&#8217;
In addition to Patricia, who was put up for adoption, Oprah had two other half-siblings on her mother&#8217;s side: Jeffrey, who died of AIDS in 1989, and Patricia, who passed away in 2003.
The late Patricia sold the story about Oprah&#8217;s teenage pregnancy to the National Enquirer in 1990 for $19,000.
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Announcement: Vernita&#8217;s death was first revealed on Facebook by Oprah&#8217;s niece Alisha Hayes, who is pictured with her grandmother
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Love: Alisha wrote a heartfelt post to Vernita, saying she was the number one supporter of her restaurant
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Grateful: &#8216;It gives our family great comfort knowing she lived a good life and is now at peace,&#8217; Oprah captioned this family image after her mother&#8217;s passing
Oprah only learned of her other half-sister Patricia&#8217;s existence in 2010. They met for the first time that year on Thanksgiving Day, which Oprah called a &#8216;beloved moment.&#8217;
Patricia then joined Oprah on her talk show in 2011 to talk about the secret adoption.
&#8216;Since I have been a person known in the public, there have been few times when I&#8217;ve been anywhere and not been sold out,&#8217; Oprah told her viewers while sharing the news about Patricia.
&#8216;What is so extraordinary is they have known this secret since 2007. She never once thought to go to the press. She never once thought to sell this story.&#8217;
Vernita also joined her daughters for the episode and said she thought it was a &#8216;terrible thing that I had done.&#8217;
&#8216;I did think about the 𝚋𝚊𝚋𝚢,&#8217; she said. &#8216;I went back looking for her and they told me she had left.&#8217;
On the episode, Oprah told her mother: &#8216;You can let this shame go.&#8217;
Vernita and her famous daughter had a difficult relationship at times, with Oprah once revealing that she chose never again to have children &#8216;because I wasn&#8217;t mothered well.&#8217;
But she later made amends with Vernita and, in one touching 1990 episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show, the talk show host gave her mother a makeover.
Vernita later said that her proudest moment was seeing her daughter in Steven Spielberg&#8217;s The Color Purple in 1985.
Oprah helped support her mother financially after she found success as a television star.
&#8216;When I became wealthy, everyone&#8217;s like &#8220;You&#8217;ve got to take care of your mother!&#8221;&#8216; Winfrey recalled to The Australian Women&#8217;s Weekly in 2015.
&#8216;My own mother is like, &#8220;You&#8217;ve got to take care of me!&#8221; And I&#8217;m like, &#8220;But what are you supposed to feel for your mother? I still didn&#8217;t know.&#8217;
&#8216;But my moral code is, basically, what is the right thing to do? So I did it out of a sense of responsibility. And also as my way of saying, &#8220;Thank you for taking care of me&#8221;&#8216;.
&#8216;&#8221;Even though there are times when I think you could have done better, I know you did the best you knew how to do.'&#8221;
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Oprah Winfrey opens up about her mother’s death and their final moments together